by Rawan

Closure: The Infamous Antagonist

July 7, 2021 | Relationships

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Breakups are probably one of the worst things in our lives to go through. All sorts of negative things come up during breakups: sadness, anger, trauma, and the list goes on. But, many of us can probably agree that the worst part of the breakup is getting closure, especially when it’s not possible to get closure. We did some digging around and found some tips to get unstuck from a partner and finally get the closure you deserve. If you want to get over a bad breakup, do yourself a favour and try these tips!

Moving on, what’s next?

Now, closure is important because it helps us move on and start fresh. But, does closure only exist in one form? Does it have to be sitting down with someone and having an emotional talk? Or seeing them one last time? We don’t think so. Closure is everything to do with you and nothing to do with them. Nobody else has the power to heal you. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a simple step, but we thought we’d get you started with four.

The first step is to have the talk. Self-talk, we mean. You need to ask yourself all the questions you’ve been trying to avoid. Think about having that one last meeting you want to have with them. What do you truly want out of it? Why are you still holding on to this relationship? What difference would this meeting make? Do you want closure or an excuse to see them again? You need to be honest with yourself to figure out what it is that you’re really seeking.

Step Two is Grief. Cry, look at old pictures, think about the good days, the whole jist. It’s healthy to express your sadness, and it’s normal to feel it too. Too little grief can leave some feelings unresolved which can be troublesome in the future. Too much grief, though, is also not good. Don’t get stuck on feeling broken just because it’s familiar. The time for grief is different for everyone, you’d know when it’s time to stop. Have the courage to say ‘okay, this feeling doesn’t serve me anymore’.

Step Three is reconnecting with yourself. Go back to your habits and do leisure activities that you love. Catch up with friends and family. Take the time to gather your strengths to remind yourself how powerful and blessed you are. You are so much more than just being someone’s partner, love is still all around you.

The fourth and final step is to create a ritual. Yes, a ritual. You might already have one, subconsciously. A really common one is gathering all the pictures and burning them or in this era, deleting chats and photos off your phone. A ritual can be something done in the beginning of the healing, or during any ‘relapse’ moments, to help you move on. An example of a continuous ritual to practice can be writing a letter to yourself about the person and why things didn’t work out. You can go back and read it every time you second guess the breakup.

Closure may even be the wrong word to use. We can’t, and don’t have to, simply ‘close it’. It was an experience that may have changed you and it’s a part of your life. It’s more about accepting what happened and welcoming a new chapter.

How to heal yourself 

After you’ve accepted the breakup, it’s time to focus on yourself.

This next one is tough, but a great part of healing is forgiveness. Getting out of a red brain and realising that they are also human and are liable to make mistakes can help you find inner peace. That being said, forgiving them doesn’t mean you are obligated to keep things as they are.

Establishing healthy boundaries is a great way to help with that. Physical or emotional boundaries can help you keep a safe distance from that person. Everybody is different; whether you want to completely cut ties, make minor or major changes to the relationship is entirely up to you.

And remember, healing isn’t linear. There may be bad days every now and then but it’s all part of the process. Keep repeating different steps of the process when needed!

Join our circles to get started

If you have been going through a tough breakup and need a good listener, why don’t you try joining one of our circles? Having a safe space to openly express how you feel does more than you think. The mere act of thinking out loud and having others listen with no judgement can bring you so much courage, strength and peace. Feel free to head to our shop and treat yourself with a ticket (or two, because why not?).

Just remember, you will get through it. This sinking feeling doesn’t last forever and you will transform into an even greater version of yourself. 

About the author, Rawan


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