On the route to self-discovery, one thing that holds us back is lack of confidence. “I can’t do this”. ”I’m too young/old”. “People will laugh at me”. The list goes on. So, how can we wake up everyday and, despite all the odds, believe in ourselves? The incredible Asha Gill, our Life Design coach, shared some life-changing tips with us when it comes to understanding and boosting confidence.
Confidence is a feeling that is a by-product of a belief, not something you ‘get’ one day.
Your confidence heavily depends on the thoughts you hold to be true, and the beliefs we have about ourselves are not universal truths. How we see ourselves is strongly linked to our confidence because our thoughts become our reality. It won’t be like a strike of lightning where everything changes, but rather a thought that says “you know what, I’ll try this again and I know how to make it work this time”. Start being more confident by changing the way you see yourself and the way you talk to and about yourself.
If you’re not sure what to say to yourself just yet, why not try affirmations! You can find tons of affirmations online and you can slowly start to write down the ones that resonate with you. Repeat those affirmations whenever you need to be reminded of how powerful you are.
Confidence is not necessarily big and loud.
The size of your confidence is not measured by how excited you’re feeling. Confidence can feel exciting but it can also feel neutral. Think about the things you do regularly, like driving a car, where your confidence is actually at a neutral state. Despite driving being scary when you first tried it, you get into the car knowing you got this. Some of us even had to repeat the test multiple times, and each time we did we knew this next time was gonna be it. Do you know what that feeling of “Okay, I messed up last time, but I know I will nail it today ” is called? Yeah, CONFIDENCE. Even cooking your favourite meal, knowing it will turn out perfect just like every time, is confidence.
So, just because your confidence doesn’t feel ‘big’, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t confident. Next time you doubt your ability to do something, remember how much you can now achieve out of habit when before it took immense concentration and effort.
Confidence grows with repetition or similarity.
We usually feel confident about things we have done before or if we had done something similar. Focus on familiarizing yourself with the task through the ‘doing’ because this is what will lead to the feeling of confidence. You can even use the concept of similarity when trying things out of your comfort zone. Just compare the thing you’re about to do to something you love and are confident doing. The similarities can be simple and even silly, but it will help you relax and give yourself a little boost. Repeating something also helps, because the second time around you’ll be going in with more experience. You can make adjusts to your method and now that you know better, you can perform better.
The result is out of your control, just do your best and use the process to learn. Remember, you only fail once you stop trying.
Figure out where your ‘I’ is in relation to what you are doing.
Start by identifying your needs, your goals and your headspace when it comes to performing the task. Having a clearer picture of what your ‘I’ space is really helps you understand why you feel confident/unconfident about certain things. You can do this through journaling, observing or having conversations with people you trust. Sometimes, it’s just the fear of failing that can be holding us back. That’s why talking about it can make us go “Oh, things will actually be okay”.
You can do it. You already have all the confidence you need within you, so allow yourself to use it. “Believe in your infinite potential. Your only limitations are those you set upon yourself.” ― Roy T. Bennett